All About Saliva Microscopes

I has ferns! At least partial ferns. The saliva microscope is really nifty. Basically you dab your tongue on the little lens, let it dry and observe. If it just looks like spit then...you're just looking at spit. If you see a few ferns here and there it means you're going to ovulate in the not-too-distant future. If there are ferns all over the place it means you're ovulating or about to and it's go time! Saliva microscopes test your estrogen level so you have more warning that ovulation is approaching than you do with OPKs. It literally takes 30 seconds and is way less messy. I like it a lot. And it's not like microscopes you played with in science class. It's a little tube the size of lipstick and there's no adjusting or focusing necessary (at least not for mine.) It's a lot cheaper too because you buy it once and there's nothing else to buy.

Ovulation Predictor Kits(OPKs) test Luteinizing Hormone.You have to pee on a stick every day and when it turns up positive you're almost too late. I think you have a 12-36 hour window depending on the time of day you test and stuff. It gets expensive because most brands only have 5 to 7 tests per box. I, of course, am using both because i'm OCD. So far nothing with OPKs.

This concludes our lesson for today.

Recommendation Letter

Kristie is applying for the MAT program at KSU which is very competitive and requires outstanding references. I was honored to write a recommendation letter and although i've never written one before i think it really turned out well....

To Whom it May Concern:

I am happy to tell you about my friend, (Honestly, i barely know the girl) Kristie. I am honored that she asked me to write this letter so that I can stay up late even though I have to work tomorrow. Kristie and I have known each other since middle school but I have been trying to get rid of her ever since.

Kristie is a little slow but she makes up for it by working really hard. Well kinda. She’d really rather be watching her Tivo. Her communication skills could use some work but she does like to talk a lot so you probably won’t notice. She has a friendly and outgoing personality that makes her easy to talk to. Well at least listen to….did I mention she talks a lot? Kristie is an exceedingly hard worker and I’m trying really hard not to giggle while saying that. I feel confident in saying that she is capable of handling any situation, I just don’t know how well it’ll turn out.

I highly recommend Kristie for that Math thing. She reminds me a lot of that high school math teacher I hated so much, so I’m sure that means she’ll do ok.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. But I’d really rather you not.

Sincerely,
LoLo

Mom! That Squirrel Was A Tease!

Who knew squirrels were such pranksters? Chip and Dale first toyed with Dala (thiiis close to catching one) and then Anakin. Here's how it happened....
**UPDATE**I've just been informed that Chip and Dale are in fact chipmunks. Which i now remember. Oops.


Step 1: Pretend you don't notice the cats or the people taking your picture




Step 2: Slowly inch down the tree as if being cautious

Step 3: Carefully plant all furry feet on the ground

Step 4: Wander away from your comfort zone to excite the predator

Step 5: Going, going, gone!

Step 6: Sit on your perch and bark at the silly kitty

What A Crazy Random Happenstance

1) If you haven't seen it yet (or even if you have) please go watch Joss Whedon's Dr. Horrible 'cuz it cracks me up every time. My favorites are the Freeze Ray and Brand New Day songs. And who doesn't love Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion? "The hammer is my penis..."

2) Jenn: "If i ever dye my hair it's gonna be purple or green or something" She thinks there's no point in adding more blonde or brunette. But neon colors are fine!

3) I'm addicted to Peach Sangria now. And while at Olive Garden getting my fix i noticed all the crazies camping out at the new Chick-Fil-A. Apparently the first 100 people on opening day get free foods.


4) My cat is a puppet.


5) This cycle stuff is driving me nuts again. CD17 and nada. Spontaneous outdoors sex is highly overrated and fire ants are not fun...movies totally lie about that.

6) I went to my little sis' softball game yesterday. When i have a kid i hope they want to play baseball/softball 'cuz it's the only sport i find remotely interesting. And i will totally be one of those moms that goes to all the Little League games.

7) That new show Mental was just ok. I'll watch the second episode and see if it improves because i know most pilot eps aren't the best.

8) I loooooove Tori & Dean. I can't get enough of that show. "I know if i cuddle it means sex and i'm tired. Every time a woman wants to cuddle the guy just wants to poke her." ....It's funny 'cuz it's true! And baby Stella is SO CUTE!

9) Jake refuses to sign up for Facebook but used *my* account to friend someone from WOW. WTF? I don't know these people!

10) I really want a laptop and i think Ally needs to share her research.

Teenage Week

I dunno what's up with this week. It's been (mostly) fun pretending to be a teenager again. First with the cosmic bowling complete with Ice, Ice, Baby and Can't Touch This. I definitely miss going bowling every Saturday with the theater crew.

Next i've noticed the favorite pastime of all teens. Since going off BCPs i've had the return of.....acne. Seriously? It's just wrong. I'm almost 30! And it's just as bad as i remember it. My favorite is the under-the-skin one that you can't really see but it hurts like hell.

Yesterday Michael posted a bunch of horribly awful high school pictures. Why he picked the ones with me in them i don't know but they're awful! The one of Ally and Kurt cracked me up though :P

And tonight my coworkers and I all went to Steak N Shake. It was just as much fun as it used to be in high school. And they have all kinds of new milk shakes! I got one that was mocha on one side and chocolate on the other. We were celebrating Amanda's 21st birthday (why weren't we at a bar?!) so i got her a bunch of those mini sample bottles of flavored Smirnoff, Bacardi, Godiva, and Kahlua.

*sigh* I miss high school so much!

Anniversary

Yay! We're an old married couple! At least we got to act like teenagers though. We slept in super late then got up and headed to IHOP. We had some yummy breakfast served to us by the super-hot waiter and i texted Krisite just to make her jealous. She asked if she could come join us but we were almost done at that point. We came home and i played in my garden a bit and watched some TV. Dala helped me with the gardening by lying down in the middle of it and smushing my plants. At least maybe her scent will keep rabbits and deer away...

Tonight we went to the bowling alley. We used to go bowling every Saturday when we worked at the theater but that was literally a decade ago and i don't think i've been bowling since. It was SO MUCH FUN! I can't believe i haven't been in so long! I actually did a lot better than i was expecting to for my first time back. Since it was Saturday night it was cosmic bowling and i got to hear Vanilla Ice and M.C. Hammer and it was fantastic. Jake, being the grumpy old man that he now is, found the "loud music" and "disrespectful teenagers" annoying but i loved it! Who cares if they don't know that it's common courtesy not to bowl at the same time as the person next to you? Teens are known for being horny not smart. So after Jake thouroughly kicked my ass at bowling we went to Olive Garden and i had Peach Sangria!! (thanks to Ally's blog). Yummmmm.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
"I live with my brat in a high-rise flat
so how in the world would I know." -Roald Dahl Rhyme Stew

Here's my veggie garden and the scare-bunnies that Grandmom gave me.

Door-to-Door Salesmen Still Exist

*Knock, Knock*
Salesman: "Hey i'm Tim from [insert intro here]. Is your Mom or Dad home?"
Jake: [stares in disbelief]
Salesman: "Oh, you're the owner?! You look like you're in high school!" [commence sales pitch]
[Lauren in the hallway giggling]

I dunno what to think of this. Am i excited that we still look young or offended that he thinks we're in high school? Either way it made me laugh. Jake is all mad 'cuz i made him shave his beard (if you want to call it that) and he thinks that's why he looked young.

Late Night Ponders

1) I sometimes wonder how much of my obsessiveness is "me" and how much is just 'cuz i'm female. It seems to be a pretty dominant trait in a lot of girls i know.

2) I feel conflicted about the baby thing. I want a baby but i'm scared (and i'm me, so i obsessively worry about *everything*) I'm worried i'll be a bad parent, about having to work afterward, about pretty much everything. And i feel guilty that every time i see a baby kitten i'm all "OMG how cute, i want a kitten!" and oohing and aahing uncontrollably but i'm not like that with babies. Like yeah, i think babies are cute, but not in the same way as kittens. Maybe because i've raised kittens before so i'm not scared of them and know exactly what to expect? Maybe because kittens do stuff (playing) w/in a couple weeks of life and babies it takes months? (Toddlers, i must say, are so darn cute! If i could take home Jamie Scott from OTH i totally would. And yes, i know he's not a toddler!)

3) All this talk about babies makes me want to see Lucas again. And i think ally should get some kittens again too. I don't want to raise them, i just want to play with them :P

4) Grandmom is getting another followup CTScan (she gets them every 3 months) and is going to see a doctor finally about the HepB and what to do about it. I'm always scared they're gonna say they found something on the CT.

5) My garden is growing! Pretty much all the seeds we planted have sprouted. I'm excited. If we keep this up maybe we can add a plant nursery to Ally's strip mall she's building.

6) Jake and I will be married 5 years on Saturday (or is it Sunday?) It doesn't seem like it's been that long. But when i think that we've been together since '99......that's a decade!! Holy crap i'm old.

7) FYI the saliva microscope thing is really cool. It'll be even cooler if i see the whole ferning thing when i'm supposed to. This whole charting and message board thing is my shiny new toy.

8) Directv's Tivo HD probably won't be out 'til January or later. That makes me sad 'cuz my Tivos are about to kick the bucket and i'm not using crappy Directv DVR. I tried and it sux.

9) I've always wanted one kid and i wanted it to be a girl. I'm completely re-thinking that.

10) Work is sooooo much better. It's still not as easy/stress-free as it was before the new system, but it's definitley light years better than that first weekend. I'm still nervous about flu season though 'cuz 1) it's the absolute worst/busiest time of year and we're already busier than i want to be at the slowest time of year 2) people are going to FREAK OUT because of swine flu

11) I want someone i know to move into the freakin' house across the street! It would be so cool! Plus we just got re-districted to better schools so now i'm planning to stay here longer.

12) There are a lot more kids in the neighborhood than i first thought or either it just took me this long to notice. I'm always having to make sure i'm not running anybody over when i'm backing out of my driveway and i don't remember having to do that when we first moved in. They're always playing paintball and stuff in the woods. I love having woods 'cuz when i was a kid we (neighborhood kids) used to spend hours and hours playing together in the woods at my mom's . It's why i was so insistent when house-hunting that we have a wooded lot. It's just not the same when you're out in the open with nowhere to hide.

13) My boys are so darn cute:

Veggie Garden

A couple weeks ago we went to Home Depot and i was planning on getting a few veggie plants to test out my gardening skills this year. Well, they had absolutely nothing except peppers and tomatoes! We ended up getting several packets of seeds and just figured we'd see what happens. We made a fairly small "garden" in the backyard and planted the seeds......and today I discovered several of them sprouting!! We planted squash, zucchini, okra, green beans, onions, peppers (for jake), catnip and basil. So far we have squash, zucchini, okra and green bean sprouts. One of the herbs is sprouting but it's so teeny-tiny that i have no idea which one. I hope i can keep everything alive long enough to actually get some edible veggies. The packets say it'll take about 50 days until harvest time....and that's plenty of time for me to screw up and kill them. I almost bought a peanut plant just so i could tell Ally i lived on a peanut farm and maybe she'd bring Lucas to visit me, but i ended up not getting it. :P

I Hate to Admit It....

...but Ally was right. And that's the last time you'll hear me say that. ;P (Boys you may want to stop reading at this point because it involves girly stuff that you definitely don't want to hear about) Charting BBTs is about to drive me absolutely insane. I can't stop doing it though! I finally FINALLY got AF after a 41(?!) day cycle. And on top of that i had a short luteal phase with spotting for the last half of it. This is only my first cycle off BCPs so i'm hoping that's why it was all whacky. I didn't even start charting until day 12 and i was only doing it then more for fun to see what it would be like. Of course because of all this i was only using a regular digital thermometer instead of a basal one.

This cycle i'm totally prepared. I've got my basal thermometer, one of those saliva microscope things is on the way, and i'm gonna get some of the pee-on-a-stick tests too. Damnit i'll figure out this cycle stuff one way or another!!! I had this whole thing planned out and my cycle has totally screwed all that up. I was going to go off pills at the end of March (which is what i did), half-heartedly chart for April cycle to get the hang of things and see what my cycle was like, then we could start TTC at the beginning of May. Well that plan definitely didn't work and my half-hearted attempts at charting turned into a complete obsession. *sigh* All i've got to say is that my body better have gotten this long cycle stuff out of it's system 'cuz i'm used to a 28 day cycle. And everyone knows how bossy i can be. I can bug the willpower out of just about anything so it better just go ahead and give in now. *end rant*

Baby Lucas Has Arrived!!

Born at 2:30pm on Friday May 8th. He's 7lbs 12oz and 21 inches long and the most adorable thing EVER!

Plastic Surgery

I had the pleasure of getting up at 5:30am this morning (couldn't fall asleep until nearly 3am) to take Grandmom to get her plastic surgery. It's for medical reasons, but we tease her because it's essentially an eye lift. Anyway, things went fine and she's home resting now. She is soooo worried about her spoiled-rotten emo puppy. She's not allowed to bend over at the waist (which she has to do a lot of to pick him up and stuff) so he's going to have to stay with us for 3+ days. Anakin and Dala are gonna love it!

1) He's scared of thunderstorms and usually sleeps snuggled up with Grandmom in bed. Sorry, but no dogs allowed in my bed.
2) He's completely emo/traumatized from his recent trip to the groomer's. He sits around all mopey and very un-puppy like and goes limp like a ragdoll when you pick him up or move him. I had to give him cheese and table scraps whenever he barked at me "to cheer him up." And she wonders why he won't eat dog food...
3) She knows i'll discipline him. (For example when he escaped and chased cars and almost got killed twice on Tues she didn't even scold him)

Here's Teddy Bear being emo (even if he is totally adorable while doing it):

John's Birthday

John turned 30! We all went out to Longhorn to celebrate, and this is what it looked like (FYI Jenn totally wore a party hat the whole time! No pics were allowed though)

End of Vacation

At this point i'm usually completely ready to go back to work, but this time i'm dreading it. From everything i've heard it hasn't gotten any better in the week since i've been gone. This also happens to be the week that i get to work another weekend by myself. I was so stressed out and ready to have a nervous breakdown the last weekend i worked that i'm pretty much terrified of doing it again. I guess i'll give it one more shot...

This week we finally discovered why my grandmom has had elevated liver enzymes that don't seem to get better. Apparently she has Hepatitis B. You usually get this from dirty needles and unprotected sex. Since she doesn't fall into those catergories the doctor says it most likely came from a blood transfusion she got during her surgery. The thing that bothers me is that they screen donated blood for Hepatits B (and have since 1992.) So what just happens to be a headline in yesterday's news?

Hepatitis and HIV Linked to Unsterile Equipment at VA Hospitals

Obviously she didn't go to a VA hospital, but the same thing could happen elsewhere. She's had several different endoscopic procedures at at least 2 different hospitals. I'm also still trying to figure out why it's her family doctor doing routine checkup stuff that thought to further investigate the elevated liver enzymes....even though 3 other doctors have known about it for over a year now. I guess we'll find out more when she goes to see the specialist...

In other news i'm going to have a very busy week! I'm scheduled 42 hours (tack on an extra 1-2 hours per night to be more accurate), Little Baby Lucas is due, and i'm taking Grandmom to get an outpatient surgery on Thursday. I'm really excited to meet Lucas. I hope he doesn't turn out like his parents.... :P

Quickie Movie Reviews:
17 Again: super cute, watch it
Hannah Montana: sweet, cute, rated G
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past: Matthew McConaughey is about all it's got going for it...very predictable