Late Night Ponders

1) I sometimes wonder how much of my obsessiveness is "me" and how much is just 'cuz i'm female. It seems to be a pretty dominant trait in a lot of girls i know.

2) I feel conflicted about the baby thing. I want a baby but i'm scared (and i'm me, so i obsessively worry about *everything*) I'm worried i'll be a bad parent, about having to work afterward, about pretty much everything. And i feel guilty that every time i see a baby kitten i'm all "OMG how cute, i want a kitten!" and oohing and aahing uncontrollably but i'm not like that with babies. Like yeah, i think babies are cute, but not in the same way as kittens. Maybe because i've raised kittens before so i'm not scared of them and know exactly what to expect? Maybe because kittens do stuff (playing) w/in a couple weeks of life and babies it takes months? (Toddlers, i must say, are so darn cute! If i could take home Jamie Scott from OTH i totally would. And yes, i know he's not a toddler!)

3) All this talk about babies makes me want to see Lucas again. And i think ally should get some kittens again too. I don't want to raise them, i just want to play with them :P

4) Grandmom is getting another followup CTScan (she gets them every 3 months) and is going to see a doctor finally about the HepB and what to do about it. I'm always scared they're gonna say they found something on the CT.

5) My garden is growing! Pretty much all the seeds we planted have sprouted. I'm excited. If we keep this up maybe we can add a plant nursery to Ally's strip mall she's building.

6) Jake and I will be married 5 years on Saturday (or is it Sunday?) It doesn't seem like it's been that long. But when i think that we've been together since '99......that's a decade!! Holy crap i'm old.

7) FYI the saliva microscope thing is really cool. It'll be even cooler if i see the whole ferning thing when i'm supposed to. This whole charting and message board thing is my shiny new toy.

8) Directv's Tivo HD probably won't be out 'til January or later. That makes me sad 'cuz my Tivos are about to kick the bucket and i'm not using crappy Directv DVR. I tried and it sux.

9) I've always wanted one kid and i wanted it to be a girl. I'm completely re-thinking that.

10) Work is sooooo much better. It's still not as easy/stress-free as it was before the new system, but it's definitley light years better than that first weekend. I'm still nervous about flu season though 'cuz 1) it's the absolute worst/busiest time of year and we're already busier than i want to be at the slowest time of year 2) people are going to FREAK OUT because of swine flu

11) I want someone i know to move into the freakin' house across the street! It would be so cool! Plus we just got re-districted to better schools so now i'm planning to stay here longer.

12) There are a lot more kids in the neighborhood than i first thought or either it just took me this long to notice. I'm always having to make sure i'm not running anybody over when i'm backing out of my driveway and i don't remember having to do that when we first moved in. They're always playing paintball and stuff in the woods. I love having woods 'cuz when i was a kid we (neighborhood kids) used to spend hours and hours playing together in the woods at my mom's . It's why i was so insistent when house-hunting that we have a wooded lot. It's just not the same when you're out in the open with nowhere to hide.

13) My boys are so darn cute: